Gelisim News

The results of the study involving 17 countries and conducted at Wayne State University in the US surprised. According to the study, married people are 3.4 times happier than singles. While the results are like that in the world, the data from Turkish Statistical Institute (TÜİK) demonstrated that the happiness level decreases after marriages in Turkey. Stating that marriages up to 5-year are defined as ‘new marriages’, Psychiatrist Onur Okan Demirci from Istanbul Gelisim University said: “Unhappiness increases as the marriage period gets longer. Divorce rates in marriages up to 5-year are actually high. But we cannot associate this with happiness.”

Emphasizing that one of the main causes of the unhappiness in marriages is the sociocultural structure of the society, Demirci said: “The marriage cannot be private when two people get married in Turkey. Families are also getting involved in their marriages. Since the concept of family is a wide concept in our culture, the possibility of gossip is much more. Because of that, the pressure on the couples begins to increase. With this pressure, couples begin to restrict themselves and to dominate each other. As a result of this domination, the areas of freedom are restricted. Naturally, the level of happiness decreases as the freedom of people is restricted. Basically this seems to be the main reason.”

Psychiatrist Demirci expressed that happiness usually cannot be defined by drawing attention that the concept of happiness is quite wide.
Saying that happiness should be divided into components such as pleasure, calm and peaceful life, less stress, Demirci said: “It can get easier when we separate them into matters. In order to live a less stressful life, we need to stay away from big cities, have a more peaceful work environment and less work time. The family's protective and authoritarian pressure on children should be relieved. One should be able to do more activities that can be enjoyed such as sports, hobbies. There must be financial capability, as well. If we start to correct these structures, we can start to talk about the concept of happiness.”

Emphasizing that the happiness rate of the newly-wed couples is high, Demirci stated that couples feel themselves trapped in pressure.

Demirci continued his speech as follows:

“As you begin to feel that you can get rid of this emotion, that hope starts to diminish over time. When you accept that you cannot survive, you start to fall, collapse and become unhappy. For this reason, unhappiness rates gradually increase as the marriage period gets longer. Divorce rates in marriages up to 5-year are actually high. But we cannot associate this with happiness. Getting to know each other, couples consider breaking out before it is too late. Married couples from 5-year to 10-year can have difficulties in divorces, but the level of unhappiness gradually increases. The longer a person is married, the unhappier the one is. Their unhappiness increases, but divorce becomes more difficult. Then, the concepts of habit, commitment and addiction come to the fore. The longer a person loses something in life, the more difficult s/he thinks s/he can compensate for what s/he has lost. Taking into consideration that after a break out in a 30-year marriage, all this period would be seen as a loss, couples cannot deal with it. Therefore, divorce rates decrease in long term marriages.”

Psychiatrist Onur Okan Demirci sorted what to do for a happy marriage as follows:

“First of all, couples should compromise on that these lives are for themselves and that they should not let other people to interfere in their marriages. They also need to know how to be free in their relationship. We assume that marriage turns two people into one. In fact, there is no such a concept, two people can never be one. Everyone must have their own tastes, pleasures and environment. If one does not allow the her/his partner, that partner will not allow the one as a revenge and they will try to restrict each other with this vicious circle. In such a case, marriages end, even if it does not, it begins to move towards increasing unhappiness. So if couples allow space to each other, relationships become much happier.”