Gelisim News

“Schema Chemistry” may be the reason why you always experience the same things!

We have heard the “Why do the same kinds of people always come into my life?” question from many people. Different people come into our lives at different times, however, the experiences are very similar. Stating that the tendency to attract people who reinforce our core beliefs is expressed by "Schema Chemistry", Prof. Dr. Psychiatrist Nurhan Fistikci also emphasized that choosing a romantic partner is not a coincidence.

It is not uncommon for a relationship to create great "love" right after meeting someone. The inability to stop thinking about the person and believing that s/he is perfect accompanies this feeling. You feel like you have known him/her your whole life. This may sound great at first, but within a few weeks or months, things start to change. You begin to feel pangs of uncertainty and insecurity. The person becomes invisible or you are afraid of losing them. Eventually, the relationship ends and you feel devastated and wonder what's going on even though you have not been together for a long time.

“IF YOU FEEL RESENTFUL AND ALONE IN A RELATIONSHIP, A SELF-SACRIFICE SCHEME COULD BE AT WORK”

Schemas are core beliefs developed as a result of early childhood interactions. Making sense of the events experienced and the reactions given take place through schemas. Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nurhan Fistikci from Istanbul Gelisim University, Faculty of Economics, Administrative and Social Sciences, Department of Psychology: “The schemas give a lot of information about their adult life, including the approach to romantic relationships. For instance, if you feel resentful and lonely in a relationship, a self-sacrifice scheme could be at work. This is a pattern in which you tend to be vigilant to the needs of others while ignoring your own needs. 'Schema Chemistry' refers to the tendency to attract people who reinforce our own core beliefs. A person with a self-sacrifice schema may exhibit the behavior of being with people who prioritize their own values and needs in every situation, in other words, with people who have a schema of entitlement. That’s because the schema of self-sacrifice schema and the entitlement schema reinforce each other.”

BE CAREFUL IF YOU EXPERIENCE CONTINUOUS WHIRLWIND ROMANCE!

Romantic partner choice in general is not accidental. Schema chemistry refers to the intense emotion felt when a romantic connection occurs with a person with the potential to hurt emotionally. Schema chemistry refers to the tendency to feel more romantically attracted to people who will trigger and reinforce schemas or core beliefs about one's self. Prof. Dr. Nurhan Fistikci:

“Schema-oriented relationships can be platonic in nature, including friendships and work relationships. The attraction of people who have experienced childhood abandonment to people who are likely to abandon themselves in romantic relationships is also explained by schema chemistry. On the one hand, there is an effort to restore the familiar life. Since the expectation is abandonment, the person tries to secure himself/herself in the relationship. S/he does his/her best not to be abandoned or stays away from attachment since for every time that passes after attachment happens, abandonment pain will be multiplied.”
Prof. Dr. Nurhan Fistikci also indicated repetitive relationship patterns help the discovery of schemas and childhood interactions and learning with parents, siblings and the environment should be researched in therapy.