Gelisim News

When we see someone gossiping or hearing a gossip about us, we often criticize them, be upset or angry. Onur Okan Demirci, a psychiatrist-psychotherapist from Istanbul Gelisim University, stating that we describe people as malicious when they gossip in such situations, said that many studies were described gossip as normal behavior.

Demirci said: “Even if the gossip is not real, we will try to convince everyone that the gossip about us is not true by accepting it as real. We name their title such as hateful, insecure, liars and jealous ones to the gossipers. We also accuse those who believe in the reliability of gossip, as fools and idiots. However, many studies describe gossip as a normal behavior. According to a study, gossip accounts for about 14 percent of our daily conversations. Although we condemn the gossipers, there is gossip in some of our daily conversations. To sum up, don't be angry with the gossipers because we all do it.”

There are data in the researches indicating that gossiping strengthens the bond of friendship, Psychotherapist Demirci, explained the types of gossip as follows:

“For example, talking about a friend's relationship, talking about the health of a relative, talking about politicians on current political issues are all gossip. If we define gossip briefly in terms of scientific and academic, we can say that it is a talk about someone who isn't there at the time. Contrary to popular belief, negative and disparaging rumors are not so common. A significant portion of the gossip is positive. The sentence “Do you know whom I saw him with yesterday?” may make a gossip, but he may continue to say “I appreciate his determination” and can lead to the affirmation. Here, the sense of jealousy has been replaced by a sense or behavior of appreciation.”

Stating that stigmatizing people who gossip rather than gossip behavior, which means that labeling behavior may be worse than gossip itself, Onur Okan Demirci said that the most common form of labeling on this issue is the belief that women gossip more than men do.

Stating that scientific data suggest that there are no conclusions that women gossip more than men, Demirci continued: “As a result of such labeling, being a woman automatically brings ‘the label gossip’. Perhaps because of this label, being a woman can make it difficult to find a job, facilitate dismissal, and bring prosecution. Women can be blamed for a gossip around them. In this respect, our prejudices against gossip may become more harmful than the gossip itself. Women are labeled in such a way that most of us almost act as if they say ‘attention gossip’ on their foreheads.”

Stating that the researches show that 10 percent of the gossip is completely positive, Demirci said, “Such rumors as how beautiful, how handsome, how smart, how hard-working, and this kind of harmless sentences, we can evaluate as neutral rumors.”

Demirci stating that rumors can sometimes provide us with precautions, said: “For example, we can be cautious when doing business with someone we hear about as dishonest or untrustworthy. Positive gossip can make us tie up more closely to that person. Rumors create prejudices in our minds, but how we use those prejudices is in our hands. What is harmful is not the gossip itself, but our inability to manipulate ourselves in our view of the gossip material. A person who uses his mind efficiently and with a view to different perspectives will know how to turn any kind of gossip into his favor”

Demirci finished his talk with the following: “Gossip is part of our daily communication. Gossip is a kind of communication. If we can lead a life that is not governed by prejudices rather than a life without gossip, we can live healthier. Human is a gossip animal. A thinking person is an animal that can evaluate gossip in a healthy way.”